I don't want to sound critical or judgmental, but, you really need to question the source of the information your are reading or listening to when it comes to advice about how to improve yourself. There are many individuals who use basic psychological or spiritual theories to craft very unrealistic advice about how to manage your thoughts and emotions, accept yourself, improve as a human being, parent your child, break your addictions, find your real self, or any of the other incarnations that pass for self-help. Yes, I am a psychologist, trained in mental health, and clinically experienced in helping people make lasting changes, so my bias clearly falls within the same parameters as a medical doctor who is trained to help people have healthier bodies.
The problem I see and hear is that there is so much misinformation about how to effectively make changes being given by individuals who have no other proof that their suggestions will help you, other than them saying it will help you, and they don't tell how to do it. Many writers have not been trained in psychology and have never carried a caseload or worked with patients in a clinical setting. Why is that important? Would you want your medical doctor to be trained in medicine and have carried a caseload or worked with patients in a clinical setting? As important as it is in medicine it is equally important in psychology and self-improvement because almost every aspect of modern life is affected by the human mind, which is deep and intricate and requires a sustained methodical process to create lasting change. Reading a book or listening to a speaker is very different than speaking with a professional who is trained to effectively listen and who can help you process your thoughts and emotions.
The next time you read a book, listen to a speaker, or take advice from someone about how to self-improve, ask yourself if this person is feeling as good about him or herself as they are saying you can feel. What do you think members of their family who interact with them on a daily basis would say about their level of peace and well-being? Are they falling into the "those who can't do, teach" cycle of advice giving? They may claim to be at peace with their issues and have found meaning in their struggle, but they don't have any proof that what "worked" for them will work for you.
I work everyday in my practice with people who have tried many self-help resources, except talking out and processing their thoughts and emotions with someone trained to effectively listen and provide strategic feedback. If I need to convince you that talking things out is important, then I should probably try to convince you that effective communication isn't important to problem solving. Clearly, conflict of all kinds is best solved by effectively processing and communicating your thoughts and emotions rather than keeping how you feel secret, hoping that the conflict will get better or go away.
Dr. Steven Walker
LicensedPsychology.com
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